(2018-09-29) To Salt the Wounds
To Salt the Wounds
Summary: Syd catches up with Ness after the shapechanger flu. It doesn't go well.
Date: 2018.09.30
Related: None
NPCs: {$npc}
Scene Runner: {$runner}
Players:
sydney..ness..

Location

Prometheus Girl's Hall
This long hallway has doors that line each side. The walls are a warm cherry wainscoting on the lower half with a coral color above it. A plush light coral carpet is underfoot. On the walls hangs pictures of various school events and group pictures of former Prometheus members.

Scene

Ness is back to her usual self, and laid out full length on her bed. She is currently laid back in one of her long t-shirts, with the band 'Slayer' emblazoned on the front. Her face has a set of goggles on it, while her cellphone is set into said goggles. Apparently it's one of those VR headsets that is compatible with your phone. She's got some sort of remote device in it that she's flicking around. Her bedroom even has a sign on the front door that says 'enter'. It's easier than getting up to open the door for someone everytime they come by since she doesn't generally 'call out' for someone to call in.
<OOC> Ness saw a Syd pic in there.

Sydney takes a slow breath, shudders that she can't hear it. Her real ears are completely missing and smoothed over steel at the side of her head. Instead, she flicks the muscles of one of the rather large and showy, but nonfunctional (steel) cat ears on her head. They don't DO anything except move. She's deaf as a post like this. She twists the handle and pokes her head in the door. "Hey," she says. Her voice is mushy, because she can't hear it, but it should at least sound familiar.

The girl slowly sits up and pulls the headgear off. Then looks at Syd. She taps the button on the side of her gear, and signs at Syd,"<Hi.>" Then she folds her legs with her knees up underneath her chin, a sort of distant, unhappy expression on her face. Apparently, she is not looking forward to talking to her friend right now.

Sydney signs back. "«Hi. We should talk about what happened, but… first, how are you doing?»" She's not speaking along with her signing this time. She flicks that ear nervously again. They seem to lay down a smidge from their full height, as though she thinks she really is a cat. Or maybe she's just that obsessive about accuracy.

With mutants, and supers, and the like, it's really hard to tell what's going through their mind. Especially if you're not a telepath. The girl won't quite make eye contact. And her usual effusive, friendly manner is… sapped of energy. "<I feel like I want to die. No. I'm not going to DO anything. I just…>" She doesn't finish. No, her knees tuck up underneath her chin tightly, and she lays an exhausted-seeming jaw against said knees. Up close, now, she appears to have a small amount of stubble on her face, and her skin is a little washed out and dry.

Sydney blinks. Yeah, ok. Trust is an issue right now, but whatever conversation Syd was planning to have about it can apparently wait. She sits down next to Ness as gently as she can, and unless the other woman moves away from her, will slip an arm around her. Which makes it hard to sign at her. Bugger. Syd sighs and takes the chance. The cat ears melt into her hair and disappear and her own ears emerge from the sides of her head where they belong. Some lumpy movement in them, and her earrings appear where they belong, too, from wherever she hides them inside her body. She pops her ears like normal people do, takes a breath and relishes hearing it, then says, "Going meat was… harder than I expected. I mean I've been going through my life telling myself that the steel doesn't make a difference, that I'm still me. But when I went meat, I found out just how much difference it does make. But I've known you as a girl since I met you. I kissed you as a girl…more than once. I'm sorry you don't like your body as much as I do. I wish I could make that better for you, but I don't know how."

She doesn't pull away. Neither does she lean in. No. The girl seems a little… bereft of her general energy. Of a lot of her life. She doesn't speak, but… She can sign, since her arms aren't the one being bound up. "<I spent my whole life being okay with who I was and what my body was like. It was work. Hard work. There were tears, and more than once, beatings, and awful nasty names. I got to like myself though. I looked in the mirror and I didn't feel disgusting. And then… I changed. And my body was beautiful, and responsive, and I didn't feel any shame. I was crazy, and a little evil, but it was pretty much the body I was born to have, and there was no anxiety about it. Two weeks of no pain, no doubt. Then I'm back and I feel guilty and anxious and ugly like I never remember feeling before. I'm less than I was before. It's not a question of LIKE. Everything's WRONG and I got a big fucking reminder of that.>"

Sydney nods, her lips following along with Ness's signing. "Beautiful… crazy… and a little evil. That… pretty much sums it up, yeah. But it wasn't real. It wasn't the body you evolved in. It makes a difference. Something about the elf body…it was like Callisto always describes her relatives. Selfish. Vain. Basically sociopaths." Syd looks away. "It was like you took liberties with my mind and didn't care. I was just a toy to you." She squeezes Ness gently. "Did being an elf really do that to you? Or does being trans hold you back from being that?

The girl almost starts to relax… until that last question. Then her body tenses up in Sydney's arm,"<If you think being trans is the thing keeping me from being crazy and evil, then I think you need to go. If you think I'm a vain sociopath inside, then you definitely need to leave.>" It's surprisingly easy for her to sign angrily. It feels… pretty naturally,"<I voluntarily let them put this collar on me. When you offered to help me get it off, I told you no. I'm sorry about what I did, and it shouldn't have happened… But if that's what you think I really am, I want nothing to do with you. Life is hard enough right now.>"

Sydney nods. "I believe you," she says simply. "And I forgive you. Things got a little crazy with shapechanger flu. And I know, believe me I know how a different body can profoundly impact who you are." She looks at Ness. "Will you forgive me? For that question… for having that question?"

The girl pulls away, and stands up, off of her bed. She points in the direction of the door with one hand, while the other signs,"<I will. Right now, I'm still angry. And I think I need time alone. 'Cause right now, I'm angry AND I want to die, and this is a cringingly awful combination, and I… I can't even begin to deal with all this right now. I'm not trying to be an ass, but… Please go for now.>"

Sydney nods, squeezing her eyes shut and wiping them not-very-effectively with her hand. She gets up, then pauses, trying to find words. Then looks back at Ness, then walks briskly, as though Ness had ordered her to do it. Which she did, technically, just not like that. Syd wonders, in some part of her mind, how she went from being angry and mistrustful to feeling like she violated Ness's trust - and feeling like shit for having done it. She closes the door gently enough, in hopes that it can still be opened later.

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