(2018-07-29) Meditation... of REGRET!
Meditation… of REGRET!
Summary: Still bothered by accidentally punching out another boy, Besa is met with Fionnuala and Schuyler, who try to talk some sense.
Date: 2018-07-29
Related: Further repercussions of this log.
Scene Runner: NA

Attic Floor, Winbarry Estate
Sun Jul 29, 2018

The attic floor contained more staff quarters, general storage areas. There are boxes there that have been there for decades, not brought in by Unit 23. Who knows what's in them?


<FS3> Fionnuala rolls Solarkinesis: Great Success.

Even through the summer holidays, with a perfectly functional and cozy home awaiting her in town, Fionnuala sometimes spends the night at Winbarry here-and-there. She has been receiving some math tutoring and occasionally, when the lessons go too late, it's just easiest to tuck herself back into her former room and lay her head down there for the night. Then there's the fact of her friends still staying here… so that is the biggest plus. Fionnuala is fortunate to have this option to begin with.

It's been a full day. Ruthie has been working the shifter girl like a hound before classes begin in earnest, and after her morning shift at Finders Keepers, Fionnuala bustled across town to get back to the estate to receive said lessons from a resident math brain. By the time all was said and done, and supper served (which she got in on) … the girl decided last minute to just stay! Thing is, though.. all that time outdoors in the intense summer heat has made for a very saturated Fee! So Fee does what she so often elects to do when she needs to cast off energy: she shows herself up to the attic!

It's roundabouts 6:30pm or so, just after supper but still a few hours away from lights out. Fionnuala, every feather in both wings positively aglow with solar energy, mounts the stairwell and moves with intent toward her favorite corner. She is still wearing her clothing for the day — a pretty pale yellow sundress — but as always, when up here, she keeps her flip-flops on. She's hugging a few books to her chest.

Besa stops at the top of the stairs, he came up her to meditate and pout, butcher's sunlight everywhere. Cocoa doesn't seem to mind and continues in, starting for Besa's favorite corner. The ancient teen blinks, "Will we be bothering you if I meditate up here, Fionnuala?" He sounds…tired, which is becoming a norm for him.

The girl plants her arse down upon a favorite throw blanket that she has often pulled out for such occasions. She's just about to splay out the books — three table books, hardcover — when she hears the arrival of others. Fionnuala looks up suddenly with her lemon-yellow, glowing gaze. "Oh! Hi, Besa!" She exclaims in her chipper way, but pauses… squints at his tired countenance. "Of course you can come up here.. it's a free attic, just…" She blushes; such a thing is radiant when she's holding sun. "I hope this doesn't bother you. I can go outside to blast it out.. but it's easier on me to trickle." Blinks. Blush.

".. that sounded awful.." Snorts the girl, before she smiles ruefully. "But yeah, it's fine. You doing alright?" She reckons he's not, for he looks weary!

Besa slugs, he's getting good at that teen motion, "It is fine, I do not mind." He used to meditate next to the kiln at the school. "I have much on my mind. Memories from past lives get confusing." On top of everything else. He sighs, moving to his corner. Cocoa's tail is wagging gently, she sits down waiting for the short teen to come down to her level with folded legs. He does. He wasn't at dinner earlier.

Something glitters tremulously in Fionnuala's gut: recollection. It's a glimpse back to how things were and her eyes round themselves in a small face that is surrounded by a rioting mass of black hair, left loose and tumbledown over her shoulders. It is the very same color as her wings, and the ends of her hair glisten with sun as she watches the boy and his pup. "Do you.. wanna talk about anything? I really don't mind if you wanna get some things off your chest." The girl offers, resting her palms down atop one of the books that she came upstairs with. "I mean, only if you're comfortable.. you look like you're dealing with some weight." Observed as she extends a hand to Cocoa in greeting, seeking rubs.

Dark eyes dart up nd over to the winged girl. His expression is hard to read before he just shakes his head, no. No he doesn't. Talking gets him into trouble, it seems. No more talking. "My chest can not be elevated with talk." Cocoa sniffs at Fee, but stays next to Best, head going to rest in the teen's lap. "I have decisions to make, no one can make them for me." He forces a soft smile, "But thank you."

"I don't think of myself as a therapist, or knowing what to do." Fionnuala muses, watching the boy with a furrowed brow. Then.. she might as well be out with it. "You.. trusted me with talking about things before your most recent sacrifice. I kinda always enjoyed those talks, knowing I was trusted. I know these scared you from the get-go," She lifts one wing, causing fine specks of sunlight to dash across the floor like gold dust. "But I'm not going to judge anything you wanna let out, Besa. If there's anything I can say or do to at least help with those decisions, you just let me know, ok?" A little smile.

A pause, then one more thought.. she keeps it to herself, unable to help her worried expression.

Besa takes a deep breath, brow furrowed. His hand raises to rub his chest, just like he used to, "It is not…something I can speak of to anyone. Please do not take offense." But then he frowns, "Scared me?" He doesn't remember much of awakening. He gives the girl back a confused look, "You do not scare me, Fionnuala."

Good thing about Fionnuala, she does not push. Nor does she take offense. People have their issues; their causes to champion or fight against. She knows Besa has had to deal with a lot. "I'm not offended at all. I just hope you'll be alright, that things will work out the way they need to. Maybe I'm a bit biased in wanting things to sway toward the best outcome." Said with a quick little wink. She lifts one of the books; it looks brand new, recently purchased. There are a few multi-colored bookmarks sticking out of it's crisp stack of pages and the cover glistens newly with a portrait of a little girl in a red riding hood.

At the question the winged girl looks up again, "Yeah.. I felt kinda bad. When you first woke up in the basement of that house.. like.. woke up." She watches Besa, "You were startled by my wings, as if they represented something bad. So I have been careful not to discomfort you."

Besa smiles softly, although there's a hint of skepticism to it. He's beginning to think his curse is to never get the 'best' outcome. "My culture does not have the safest representation for winged creatures. You startled me, is all." No, she scared him at first, but he's alright now.

"Usually winged things precede something scary." Fionnuala agrees, though she is inwardly relieved …. relieved.. to know that Besa is okay with her. Hey, can you blame her for worrying?! Sure she had done so for too long, but… it's Fee.

The girl smiles slightly, "I'm anything but scary. I'm really just a goofus. You'd have to be really hard-up to find me scary." She doesn't even say this in a self-depreciating way either. Fee knows that she is nowhere near intimidating. She pulls a book into her lap and looks it over, brow furrowing. "Everything else been alright though?" She's deeply curious but will not push the matter. "A lot has been going on this summer, and it's only gonna get crazier."

Besa wasn't at dinner and has been…off these past few days. Mental blocks have been up, but currently he's just too tired. He went into two a few times, riding his bike and delivering some mugs, but besides that not a lot of people have been aware of what he's been up to. Currently he's sitting in a. Corner with Cocoa's head in his lap talking with Fee. An eyebrow raises over tired eyes, "To be fair, I was waking from the dead." One doesn't get much more hard up than that. "What everything else?" Yeah, it's gonna be a bit of teeth pulling, he's not going to offer up the info on the cultist that approached him just yet. Not till he figures out what to do. That is, unless Calli or Brier bring up anything.

Schuyler hasn't been noticing who is in class or anything as he hasn't been permitted to attend. He -has- noticed that Besa has been distant and he figured he should at least peek in on his friend. There's a grimace as he climbs up into the attic, «I know you like heat, but really? You're holing up, up here? It's like…ten degrees cooler downstairs.» There's a nod over to Fee, «Aren't you melting?»

Well, no worry about that; Callisto ended up 'signing off' for the entirety of a night and much of the day itself. Brier, well.. it's all beyond Fionnuala! For indeed, all there is.. is the crow girl. "Y'know.. everything else!" Fee exclaims, as if this is just a Normal Thing. "Summer holidays, any sort of school catch-up.. planning for the upcoming year… getting the town figured out. That everything else." The girl smiles up from the open pages of the book in her lap, her expression open and curious. She's not about to go around asking for details because A. It's not Fee's way! And B…. alt-fu! O_O

"It's been a lot of stuff to adjust to. I'm wondering when we'll be moved to the new school." Just one more thing to stir into the pot of a great many things that are going down! She perks at the arrival of another student, and his mental words cause the girl to smile off in his direction as Schuyler mounts the step. "I love the heat. This is nothing." She says happily to the Masters boy.

Besa shrugs, "I passed the classes I needed to?" He's not done any planning, letting Rain or the teachers do it for him. "I do not know, soon I should think." His head swivels and he blinks tiredly at Sky, although he's not so annoyed that he doesn't finger speak as well, "It is not that bad. And I will cats a cooling rune if needed." He looks small though, hard to believe he's going to be in the Junior class with them, still at age 14. "I came up here to meditate, but Fionnuala is leaking."

«I grew up where it's hot too, but this is just…stuffy,» Sky clarifies. He even wrinkles his nose as if to emphasize the point. He lifts his chin at something Fee says and he offers, «I hope we move soon. Although I guess it'll be harder to get into town from wherever it will be. I just want to know if they're reinstating some of the classes or if we're going to have to pull some drastic measures again.»

Grey eyes shift to Besa and watch him for a long time, as if possibly trying to see past his conciliatory words. «Too bad they don't really provide spaces for people to take some time alone. Maybe at the new school they will.»

The girl has faith in Sky's ability to read lips, it seems, as she speaks so very freely to him as if he could hear her. That and regrettably, she doesn't know sign language! Good thing Sky is no slouch!

"I'm looking forward to the adventure," Fionnuala admits. "Hopefully it won't be too far of a flight on weekends to see everybody in town, but Ma and Da have been positively nutty these days. They're like teenagers!" Said with a little snicker, as she closes her book and stacks the three larger hardcovers in front of herself. Her wings, still a great glistening halo of black feathers and pulsating sunshine, are lifted slightly behind her body. "I'd like to think they're cooking up something inclusive.. as in, all of the classes re-offered again. But I wonder if they'd have to take on more staff…" Left unsaid: since some were lost in the original attack.

Mustering her cheer again, Fee shrugs, "I can at least go to the roof if I need to be alone. Kinda sucks when one can't fly, though. This attic seems to be the hot-spot."

<FS3> Schuyler rolls Lip Reading: Good Success.

Stuffy Sky should try a sarcophagus! Well, its funny in Best head. He sighs, giving Cocoa a head scratch while shifting to face Sky more. "We can open a window if you like?" He nods about the new school, hopefully they will have everything that Sky hopes for. There's a detachment in his mind though about the new building though, like it doesn't affect him. He glances to fee, "Would you like me to cast a cooling rune?"

«The roof, huh? I should try that.» Even if he can't fly. It might be nice to get away sometimes. Or maybe it's to help give Besa the idea for another place to go that might be quieter. «If they don't offer anything from the arts, I'm going to revolt.» Again.

There's another glance to Besa before he offers, «This whole 'emo' thing you have going,» and he gestures to indicate the teen as a whole, «If you're going to do that, you need to be wearing more of my clothes. Maybe get some piercings.»

"I'm actually okay, I really don't mind the heat. Really, cast it only if you or Sky need it." Fee insists, and she means it. She glances sideward to Besa, "If anything the new building will be safer, I bet. Less ways for people to get in and out to cause trouble; less ways for the people we don't want to have around us… well, finding their way to us." Was that a poke? Totes a poke. Curious Fee may not outright ask Besa about what has been going on exactly, but she does suspect those evil priest sorts to be alive, well, and persistent. Wasn't Ashton abducted by their ilk, or another variety?! Hey, she may be flighty and whimsical but Fee is smart.. she is!

She blinks quickly, looking between Besa and Sky following the latter's mentally emoted words. "Piercings? Ouch." Admitted quickly.. strangely enough, colorful jewelry-favoring Fee hasn't a piercing of any sort on her body!

A frown quickly develops on his face, "I am not emo." Yes, Besa has been acting emotionally lately. Pressing his lips together a moment, "Perhaps I will go get everything pierced." What the hell would that even prove? Bu the Fee is mentioning safe and Besa's entire demeanor changes, he looks away from both and his hands go to Cocoa. Congrats Fee, poke received.

«You are acting the textbook definition of 'emo',» Sky argues, pointing it out when Besa looks away. He looks over to Fee and shrugs, «I'll leave you some of my black clothes. That way you can really do justice to the part.» Sky's been patient…for him…but it's not infinite. «I'll leave you to your 'meditation',» as if he's fairly certain that Besa is more wallowing than meditating.

It's well-meaning pokage! Fee doesn't gloat, but instead recognizes that her hint yields unfortunate fruit and she gives the Egyptian boy a soft, worried gaze. "Are there people still after you, Besa?" Asks the girl outright. She was watching the boy's behavior, even after Sky's arrival. Besa's touching of his chest was often a motion that signified difficult thought, and she's really acting on hunches and suspicions. Funny how he turned inwards at the 's' (safe) word. She pushes her black hair over a shoulder, watching him and Cocoa.

"I'm sorry to pry and I know you wanna keep this to yourself, but now that you're back at the school and among friends, you do know that what ails you ails us too, right? That we'd wanna help?" Asked outright… she keeps her tone mild and calm though. Push too hard and that can either chase someone away or make them clam up moreso.

The girl blinks, looking between both boys. Eek! She picks up one of her books — Marshall Cavendish's compilation of fairy tales — and supplies hastily: "That's what we're all here for, right? Isn't there anything we can do to make this all right?" Aw, she's such a bleeding heart~

Besa snaps back, although it's not really much of a zing, "You are a text book." Cocoa looks up, between Besa and the other two while he continues talking, 'I will not fit in any of your clothing." Forever 14, remember? He's still the 5 foot 2 inches he started with. A grimace as Sky implies he's going to leave and then Fee digs more. "I…I ran into a woman…she knew who I was, asked for help." He swallows, not looking at either of them, "She said their priests were dead and it was my duty to help them….and then my-" No, that's not right, they're not friends "the person I was with grabbed me and I struck out in panic and hurt him…"He swallows, "I hurt someone…I am not….right." He touches his chest and then his he'd, "I am not in balance. And that is not something anyone can help me with."

Schuyler can't help but pause at Besa's comeback and blink. «What's that supposed to mean?» He inclines his head again, «I'll give you some of Rain's t-shirts then…» or he'll buy Besa his own. But then the other finally lets out what's on his mind. Sky crosses his arms at his chest briefly but he needs to 'talk' as well as mindspeak for this. «How many times do we have to tell you that you don't need to do anything you don't -want- to do? And you acted in self-defense. You didn't set out to maliciously harm someone, but you were preventing yourself from being kidnapped. They -assaulted- you and you fought back. That's perfectly ok. I know you won't believe anything that I say but there it is.»

"Besa, I think after all you've been through, it's not your duty to help anyone! I mean—" Fee pauses, takes a breath. Better try another tact. "It's not your duty anymore! It's your desire, sure… you want to help people because you are a good person. That's different. What this woman is, she wants to use you." That's a hugely presumptuous thing for Fionnuala to say, but her experience with these cultists is that they wish to use Besa as a means to an end. "Nuts to them, ok? Nuts to them. You've had to go through so much already and if they want to ask anything more of you, the only thing you need to tell them is to sod off." Wow, Fee is actually getting pretty fired up about it. It's a good thing she wasn't there when that woman poked around!

Her wings ruffle, dashing more of that warm energy across the floor. "And that sounds like a total accident. A total misunderstanding. You're not bad for acting in a panic, because by all intents and purposes that woman was after you!" She speaks in-tandem with Sky, her words different but very much meaning the same thing.

<FS3> Schuyler rolls Telepathy/empathy: Success.
From afar, Schuyler offers to Fee's mind only, «Thank you. Maybe he'll listen to you because he sure doesn't listen to me.»

"I do not know!" Slang is so dumb now! "I know I do not have to, but it made me feel bad, and then To- The person I struck, he said.." Besa frowns, shaking his head, 'He said he never wished to see me again. That I should go fuck myself." Sky gets a weird look at Sky last sentence, but then he turns to Fee, "That is what I said, but now I feel bad and what if these people are trapped like I was and need help? What if I am the bad one now, for not helping?"

«Who is Tom?» Sky thought he knew everyone at the school. «And if Tom tried to grab you and he didn't like that you didn't want that…Tom can go fuck -himself-.» Yes, Sky just cursed. «Some people are jerks. Sounds like Tom was one. And Besa, if you're that worried about this woman, have Sabnison investigate. If they really need your help, he'll tell you. But there is a precedent of people using your naivete to hurt you. It sounds like this was that just again. If they really need your help, they need to find a better way to ask you. People just randomly accosting you on the street…it's not a way to earn any sort of trust.»

"I think you've more than done your part, Besa." Fee says with a sad little look. "They have to figure out their own affairs.. they've too long had to hurt YOU to get themselves out of whatever fixes they're… that they're in." Poor Fee, she only knows a fraction of the situation. "As for your friend," She is perceptive… Besa cut himself at 'and then my-' and the girl filled in the blanks. "Your friend right? If this person weren't a friend or even an acquaintance, you wouldn't be thinking about it this much." Okay, Besa being Besa… even if he did punch out a stranger, he would feel bad.. but Fee is going out on a limb here. She's still blushing and looking hurt for Besa at having been told to go 'fuck himself'.

She gives Sky a poignant look; did he just 'say' something to her? Mentally? She turns back to Besa, imploringly. "You're not bad, and if you are still feeling awfully tomorrow.. you should find this person that you struck and set things right. But only do it if you're sure this person will be kind to you, or treat you well." Again she speaks parallel to Sky, but in a different tangent. She picks up her books, and stands carefully so as to not bump anyone with her feathers.

Besa's jaw clenches, not having wanted that name to slip. His own mental walls come up, feeble as they are. "I hurt him Sky, he was bleeding. I…I do not wish to become that. Especially out of fear." The idea of talking to Sabinson starts to get. A nod, but then Sky goes and says Besa's naive. His nose wrinkles and he shakes his head to Fee, "No. We are not friends." Especially not now. Another head shake, "No….he does not wish to see me ever again. I will not seek him out."

«He'll probably deal. And you obviously felt that you were in danger because we all know you don't lash out in fear. You can feel guilty about it for a little bit if you want, but if you let it eat at you, then you're never going to get past it. If you're not friends then whatever. You go on with your life and he'll go on with his.» Sky just shakes his head. «You won't become that, Besa. We all know you won't. But you're the one who needs to believe that. Obviously, us believing in you isn't enough.»

There, at the fringes of Fionnuala's sweet look… the barest touch of exasperation. "But.." She starts, hugging her books to her chest. She only knows so much about Besa's plight; it's never Fee's way to bulldoze onwards and hurl out words that are meaningless. ".. even still, you.." Blink. IT's just her way to apologize when she has done wrong, even if the person tells her off; even to complete strangers. Fionnuala does not wish to impose her way upon others. ".. uhm, alright. Just think about what I said, okay?" Asks the girl gently. It is entirely up to Besa, now.

"I have to get washed up.. I'm staying here tonight." Fee admits, looking towards the stairs. Sunlight continues to trickle from her wings and the tips of her wayward hair. "That means jockeying for shower time." She looks back to the boys and Cocoa and offers a little smile. "Take it easy, okay? I'll be around later if you need me for anything." The girl offers, before padding off. Best to let things simmer~

Besa swallows, looking down at Cocoa who's trying to crawl into his lap. He doesn't seem as sure as Sky is about what he is capable of or not. "I have not been much of anything lately, Schuyler. I …my ability to do things…to do anything useful is…for not." Being useless is about the worst feeling in the world. Fee gets a nod, be he doesn't even bother a fake smile, "Thank you, Fionnuala."

Schuyler makes a bit of a face before he steps right up to Besa. There's a glance at Cocoa to make sure that he won't get attacked by the dog, but then he reaches out to place a hand on Besa's head. «You have hundreds of years of information in this head. You've been able to use it before. Try to use it for this.» He switches to speech for emphasis, "You. Know. This." Back to mindspeech. «It's not going to be easy and you're going to have all these doubts.» Part and parcel of being a teenager. «Newsflash, so do we. Everyone does. But you've got all these lives that you've lived. You just need to trust yourself. Because all your friends trust you. If anything, let that sink in.» Again, to speech, "We trust you."

He'll remove his hand and step back. «Out of everyone at this school, you're the one I see as a Hero. Even now. Maybe later others will be too, but right now, -you- are. Even heroes have to fight back in self-defense sometimes.><

Besa tenses, but at least he doesn't flinch at the touch. Cocoa trusts Sky, so she just looks up and watches. Dark eyes are large, looking up at Sky. He just looks young, ironically, as Sky mentions his years of information. It's hard to say what's going on in that Brian of his, but after a long moment he nods. "I understand."

Schuyler tilts his head, «Do you?» He doesn't seem too sure. Sky could certainly probe about to see what was up in Besa's head, but he won't. Not to his friend. «Sometimes family gives tough love. Sorry. I wish I could give you some of the faith I have in you…to you. Trust your gut, Besa. I know it's not easy resetting all the time but…I think you know yourself a lot better than you believe you do.» He glances back towards the stairs, «Want me to leave you to some of that meditation?»

He mostly understands. As much as anyone can, at least, in his situation. The ancient teen is just tired he's feeling drained and useless. But maybe/hopefully that will pass. He swallows, shaking his head, "I…no. You do not have to go. I do not think I will get much out of meditation today." He rubs his face briefly before saying, "I feel that I do not know myself at all sometimes."

Schuyler shrugs and smirks, «Welcome to being a teenager. So I'm told.» Sky is just really good at pretending to know who he is and what he wants. But there's a reason for his aloof and distant behavior. «You probably have a chance to know yourself more than almost anyone here.» His smirk fades, «All I got was a glimpse of myself torturing my family.» Which he is actively trying to avoid. «At least,» some of that dark humor returns, «Everyone else is in the same boat. And if they tell you otherwise, they're lying.»

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