(2018-03-13) Safety Net
Safety Net
Summary: Koga talks to Fionnuala about some of his fears, and a rough plan is made.
Date: 2018-03-13
Related: A few hours after this log.
Scene Runner: NA

Attic Floor, Winbarry Estate
Tue Mar 13, 2018

The attic floor contained more staff quarters, general storage areas. There are boxes there that have been there for decades, not brought in by Unit 23. Who knows what's in them?


<FS3> Fionnuala rolls Mystic: Good Success.

THe day progressed as typical for Fionnuala… after the get-together with her peers in the billiard room, the girl had taken her books up to her room in the girls' wing to scrawl out some written assignments. She's weird like that in enjoying the act of handwriting her work as opposed to typing, unless it's something huge. But with duty done, supper and clean-up over with, Fee snagged a quick shower and took herself, in her pajamas — this time wearing hard-soled slippers — up to the attic. There have been enough students up here in recent weeks to outfit the vast space with little 'outposts' of student presence: some active lamps set up here, there; a beanie bag chair or two… just bits of life in an otherwise stagnant space.

Fionnuala sure missed the sun today, as the sky had been blotted out by heavy, dark clouds that permitted nary a sunbeam to pierce the blizzard. She doesn't suffer too much without it for a day… but still.

This doesn't stop the girl from practicing her other 'important' task. Every evening, when she is sure she is (mostly) alone, Fee comes up here to meditate. Concentrate. To ascend the attic is to feel a 'draft' pulling up harmlessly along the stairs; it intensifies just barely, off and of. It's like the attic is drawing breath, and it's all circulating around the small girl who is seated in a lotus position atop a closed steamer trunk. Fionnuala is weaving magic, harmlessly… it's all about making her mind focus. It is early evening, past supper; roundabouts seven P.M. Snowflakes dust themselves across the dusty old windows.

<FS3> Koga rolls Sense Mystic: Success.

Koga had, meanwhile, actually taken a short nap that turned into a much, much longer one. The excuse that he tried something new and accidently tired himself just barely flew on that one, so he has made his way up to the attic to find a quiet spot. Some place where anyone concerned about him wouldn't bother him too much. Still, he had changed into something more lazy and casual before making his way up. The white shirt and faded loose jeans are something he rarely gets to use these days with the uniform code of the school. But he was relaxed in them, and that was saying something.

Once he reaches the attic, however, he literally stops just at the edge of Fiona's little… whirlwind of magic. He stares at it, then reaches out carefully to brush his hand across a bit of it. Carefully, and trying to not disturb her. His steps were silent as can be, as long as there was no creaking floorboards. And he was perhaps just a bit mesmerized by what he was seeing with senses that were undoubtedly not normal. His eyes faintly gave off a glow of their own, the only sign that he was perhaps going a bit too far into that sense that most magic users gain.

He actually stands there a bit, right on the edge before asking, "May I come in?" If what he had said before was true, then he might be assuming she was in the midst of a ritual or something else at the moment.

It's lovely, lovely magic… though nothing outwardly magnificent. All the girl is doing is willing the air in the attic to change directions and hasten itself, just so… it's a drafty old space so she is gathering up those tendrils of cool night air as she would wind up a ball of yarn. Her small hands are held open in her lap, cradled there, only to lift and begin circling around each other. Her lashes form black crescents upon her cheeks as her eyes are closed in thought, feathers quivering.

Her pajamas consist of a pair of fluffy black-and-pink fleece pants and a tight black t-shirt bearing an iron-on Cheer Bear. That same big pink bow still christens her head.. she feels very 'pink' today.

To reach out to 'touch' the willed magic is to feel it passing tepid and gentle over his fingers, as Koga attempts just that. IF Fee is aware of Koga, she does not let on.. but he is as quiet and careful as a mouse and no floorboards betray him. IT is when he speaks that the magic dies.

Fee's eyes open suddenly, as the four winds are cast into the musty, dark space. She doesn't appear bothered in the least, "Oh! Hi Koga!" She calls to him, waving him in. "It's fine, I'm just playing."

The wind blows past him neatly, ruffling his hair as he approaches. "You did not have to stop." He looks almost sad that he interrupted that. That was so beautiful to him. Almost like the paper crow he gave her.

Moving closer, he settles on the floor near her, settling himself into a lotus position after pulling off his shoes. Taking a bit of a breath, wincing a bit before exhaling. "I am sorry for being so uneasy earlier." He looks a bit conflicted that he admitted the problem. Or at least the start of it. He is at least facing her so they can talk face to face.

Moving his hands to his knees, he almost looks ready to meditate himself at the moment. But… his apology is probably a bit vague, and he looks uneasy still.

The girl smiles indulgently at the boy's bid to not stop the spellcrafting. "I'll do it again later. I'm trying to learn how to pick the direction to cast the magic… I can do it, but it's sloppy. I think if I strengthen how I grasp the magic, it will help me with…." Bah, she handwaves. "Sorry, rambling. It's a long-term project and I kinda fell off track when I had my accident up here."

She watches him move to settle, and she pulls her wings back so as to not jostle or bump him with them. She's watching him openly, head tilted, "It's okay.. though I really did wonder. Is everything okay?" Fee pokes, rubbing the back of her neck. "I didn't know and I didn't want to ask questions like this with everyone else around. But I don't like seeing anyone feeling weird around me… did I say or do anything to upset you? Here, or in battle?"

She asks this openly and without judgement.. pure curiosity, honest worry. Koga still looks uneasy and this bothers the girl.

Koga sighs, moving his hands to hug himself. There it was. The question he was perhaps dreading a bit. But… so far, she has shown honesty with him. Koga closes his eyes for a moment. "You did not. But… I think it is my expectations."

"My Brave form… I was worried after having used it twice that others would turn away from me because of it. I have seen what it looks like. I worry that one day others will turn from me because of it." Koga's voice is a bit low, and perhaps a bit worried. "You were the first that said I should not be afraid of it, and I was worried that after seeing it… you might have chosen to."

Koga looks down at the floor, carefully avoiding eye contact. "… I know that it frightened at least Ashton and a few others… Gabrielle, for instance… I wish I could go without using it, but I know if I tried then I would be sought out… forced into it… or worse."

The shifter listens, watches the boy's body language. Her heart trips along, worried that she did something to hurt or upset him. Fee hates hurting others, especially those who have been so kind and open toward her. Koga tells her that she did not hurt him, but she hasn't time to exhale in relief. Fee is yet attentive, and her features slowly… slowly drop into an affected, worried expression once more.

"Oh, Koga," She whispers, wings lifting and curving inwards, tips brushing him if he will allow them in a sort of 'wing hug'. It's brief, not constricting; a glancing of soft, warm feathers. "I thought you were brilliant. Were you not there, working alongside Ariel to deal with the big baddies… we would have been done for." She says gently, not putting too much animation into the statement. Fee wants to look as earnest as possible. "I'm not going anywhere, I think you're in possession of a talent that could save lives.. you helped to do just that in your efforts on the beach, and—-"

He looks down at the floor after stating those who are suspected of having been scared of. "I… do not know either of them, Gabrielle and Ashton, that well… to even be able to assume why they're doing what they're doing. But you can't go against what makes you.. you, what is at work in your heart.. it will only hurt you. None of us want that.. maybe they just need time to adjust to what they saw. We're all here for those reasons, right? To accept one another and help?"

"I know… it is why I went after them… even if I am so unskilled…" Koga doesn't push away the wing hug at least. He looks perhaps a bit unsure as that hug is something different. The warm feathers has him almost brushing his hands on them before he relaxes his arms. "I… don't think I was so brilliant. Suicidal, I think… the sheer… rush I get from using it. It didn't overwhelm me this time at least. I was confident that I could take them on, and I paid the price for it…"

His hand goes to his ribs. "I /want/ to be able to help others, to be what my grandfather said we are. The shield against the dark. But when others look at me with fear, when they look as if I might attack them simply for being there…"

He moves a hand to where he can see it, moving it a bit to make a small line in the air before it disappears. "To accept one another and help is a bit hard whenever someone sees you as a monster, and worries about what you might do…"

"So.." Fionnuala is trying to understand… it shows, too: she isn't looking uneasy or frightened or the like. The wing quivers involuntarily when touched, though Fee takes it in stride. It never flusters her to have people stroke the smooth, glossy feathers. She listens to his every word before supplying her own. "So like… when you are taken, transformed… it's an entirely different mind? Different subconscious? So if you're doing something, say, the rush of moving fast and amazing; of dealing that crucial hit…. that's the rush? Do you begin to lose control of yourself?"

She waits, frowns gently as he indicates his ribs. "You are not a monster. I know it's hard to feel that way with people looking at you that way.. and I'm afraid to say, Koga, that people… some… will. Others will." She pauses to watch his display with the movement of a hand, considering.

"Is there anything I can do to help? Would it be an okay thing to seek these people out who are scared and don't understand? I can be there with you if you'd like."

"I think I cleared the air with Ashton… he at least understands where I come from. Gabrielle… I am not sure if she is hiding it or not. I would have to ask her directly…" Koga says, considering as she asks about the… rush. The transformation. That makes his eyes change a bit. The look and the body language. It's hard to decipher. A combination of a bit of fright and a… want? A need for it?

"I think it is still my mind, but a part of it… a part of me…" He takes a breath, then winces. Those ribs again. "Have you ever felt as if you were unstoppable? As if the magic you use was flowing so much, so powerful that if you wanted to you could take on anything? That you could cause a storm of pure thunder with just a swipe of your hand, that you could uproot a tree by simply punching it?" Koga looks down. "That's what it feels like. As if… instead of just being human, I am a force of nature… as if I can face those things that would flatten me and make them go away. But another part…"

Frowning, Koga looks at his hand better, the ring on his hand specifically. "… another is that part that wants to run with the power. To let it flow, to /be/ that storm. To /be/ the force of nature… I don't know how to describe it other than it worries me, and that it is singular in it's purpose… it /wants/ to fight. It /wants/ me to fight… and not stop."

She nods regarding him having spoken to Ashton, but then she considers, "I think Gabrielle is shy. Like, really shy.. I kinda got that vibe from her. If that's the case it makes sense that she'd be startled, right?" Ashton, Fee cannot peg; she has only seen the boy on a handful of occasions outside of class. She is silent to listen to Koga's answer, watching him and his body language as he describes the situation to her. "I… kinda? I'm not very powerful, Koga.. not in that sense…" A smile, she's not self-conscious about it. "But I can kinda understand. I feel that way when I'm a bird… even just the feel of being able to go where I want, however high, however fast and far. But it's not exactly like what you're telling me. It must be amazing." She remarks.. notice: no talk of being a 'monster'.

She's not so sunny and optimistic so as to not look worried as Koga describes how wielding such power could go on it's ear. "That's… so everytime you take that form, it's impulses get stronger when you're a boy? As you are now?" She looks for that bit more clarification, before she eases back some, wiggling her toes in her slipper. "I think you're doing the right thing in talking about it. Because to learn how to control it is to become it again… so if you make more friends, people you can trust.. and tell us about the struggle.. maybe there's more we can do to help pull you back if it takes you and won't let go?" Fee asks, head tilting. "I mean.. like a safety net. Because we would know it's you in there."

Looking considerate, Koga smiles. "She is pretty shy it seems.. Ashton… well, he is a bit of an odd case. He has a taint to his magic… demonic. I've faced a demon before. My parents had to banish it before it killed me. His…. magic is almost the same sort of taint I sensed then. And that one is probably still out there looking for me."

He sighs, "Sometimes I wish I could fly like that… sure I might be as close to flight as possible without wings, but flying so free? I guess that is why I do parkour…"

The mention of a safety has Koga's body language stilling a bit, changing some… he looks a bit curious. "… I wonder… I can talk about the struggle, the impulses… but… perhaps I can talk to my parents? Ask them if they can make seals I can give to those I trust in case I do start to lose the battle?"

"I.. kinda gathered that, what little I saw before the monsters came up to dance." A soft smile, she looks toward the rafters of the attic thoughtfully. "Ashton I mean. I don't think I could ever face down a demon——" Wait, she has.. or tried to in Besa's hell. Somehow it's not her place to disclose this, and Fionnuala sighs gently. This gives her some degree of sadness where Ashton is concerned. Anything demonic scares the shifter. Talk of flight quirks her lips into a silly little smile again.

"I love it. I bet it's cool to fly with a thought, or energy, or to reach the speed of sound… but to move wings, push the wind, it's… I wouldn't trade it for anything. To travel in a body that's made for flight, it's pure purpose… it's really nice." Maybe that's why she's so peaceful and content with herself.

".. parkour is .. heh, beyond me. Only parkour I could do is the parkour of my face hitting the pavement. You'll have to show me someday, okay?" Because hey, activities to keep Koga within himself are good, right?

She perks at the talk of seals, "You should try! IT would give you peace of mind as you explore this power. Why not ask them?"

Koga considers, "Parkour is a form of freedom, I guess you could say? I'm not good at it, but with the other form… I trust you saw the… ah… jump and twist from the horde I was knocked into? That's part of it."

He considers, "I will send them a message to see if it is possible. If it is, and once I have it written down, I can copy it as well I suppose… might be beyond my skill level, however."

Sighing, he moves to his feet. "In any case, I did come up here for something… one of the things that I do know is tai chi. It is fairly relaxing and after finding out that I have a new limitation… I do need it, I suppose. You are welcome to stay and watch if you want? Or point me to another area to go through a few forms?"

"Well, it's cool.. but the fact remains, if I were to try it, I'd be on my face. Flat." Fionnuala giggles, then reflects. "Now that I think it.. I do remember seeing you moving about." She slowly unfolds her slight self from the trunk, stretches. Her wings quiver, her back twists, arms and legs straighten and tense as she pulls the knots out of her muscles deliciously. "Let me know what.. comes of that. And if there is anything I can do to help you." Regarding the seals. "Though it's not my brand of magic.. I can still do what I can. But just remember, you're not a monster. You just have a very powerful ability that needs honing, especially from a mental standpoint. And people want to help. Especially yours truly."

Fee smiles openly to the boy then, "You can stay here… I'm going to get down to bed, get settled in and read some nonsense before lights out. Thanks for talking it out with me, Koga.. you have a friend in me, okay?" She really emphasizes the word friend, her blue eyes intent. "Rest well and be easy on those ribs." Said sweetly and, with a wave, the shifter girl pads off.

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