(2017-12-13) I Can't Reach Them
I Can't Reach Them
Summary: Besa and Fionnuala console one another. Life is hard sometimes, including past lives.
Date: 2017-12-13
Related: The evening after this log.
Scene Runner: NA

Attic Floor, Winbarry Estate
Wed Dec 13, 2017

The attic floor contained more staff quarters, general storage areas. There are boxes there that have been there for decades, not brought in by Unit 23. Who knows what's in them?

(OOC: Mood Music)
("Across The Universe" - cover © Brian Crain; original © the Beatles)


Besa played hookie yesterday , and while he got a detention, the teen's health has come into question. Seems the ancient boy doesn't normally get sick, so he's just not sure how to handle it. Currently he's up in the attic, trying and failing to meditate. Poor Cocoa has basically crawled onto his lap, making the boy look even smaller than normal.

Poor Besa. Trying to find some privacy up in the attic. Looks like he's about to be joined by Fionnuala, who has been in a doldrum all day… ever since her not-so-glorious return to the estate following the salvage mission. She truly did not expect to be as bothered by the whole escapade as she had been but… something hung about the normally cheerful girl like a caul. It is actually Cocoa that Fee sees first, with how much smaller Besa looks as the dog settles in his lap. Why is it that the bigger pups always think themselves to be little lap dogs and that they can fit?! It's part of their charm.

Wearing black tights with a fitted plaid tunic blouse, her hair pulled back into a matching ribbon, Fee pads into the musty space and announces herself so as to not spook the boy. "Hi, Besa. Hi, Cocoa," She calls out. "It's just me, Fionnuala. I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

Besa's large dark eyes open and eh smiles, but he clearly doesn't feel well, "Hello Fionnuala. Oh course not, please come join us." On the dusty floor. Cocoa looks up, her tail thumping a few times, but she's, for whatever reason, plastered against Besa and not moving beyond that. "Are you well?" He is aware enough to tell something's off.

<FS3> Fionnuala rolls Solarkinesis: Good Success.

The girl is winged this evening, to boot, to better 'trickle away' some of her solar buildup.. which isn't too much. The result is a mild, ambient glow that surrounds her and warms the bones of the attic some. She manages a smile nonetheless, it's hard not to smile when greeting Besa. The dog's tail-thumping greeting only chips away more at her cruddy mood, and she moves to join the two. Much as Besa is noticing something 'off' about Fee, so too is she seeing something dulling the boy's expression some. So if he will allow it, the girl with her warm glittering wings shall sit down beside him and, minding Cocoa, reach an arm across to wrap him into a one-armed hug. "I've.. ah, I've felt better. Just have the blues.." She admits easily, never one to lie about her feelings.

"What about you? You're looking kinda tired.. are you feeling okay?" Fee asks next.

Besa shivers as the warmth spreads, but it's a good thing. He's cold. He doesn't seem to mind the touch, in fact he leans into it. Cocoa makes a pleased noise, like she's also worried for him. "I am sorry, is there anything I can do to not make you blue?" There's a long pause as he thinks about it then shakes his head. "No…I think perhaps I am getting sick." There's more to it than that, but that's the easier answer. His hair, of course, is perfect and wonderful as Fee's light hits it and makes it shine.

"Look at you getting sick and you're still asking about what you can do to help me." Fee observes with a sad little smile, and shakes her head slowly. "Don't be sorry.. I think I'm just frustrated, really. A bit down on myself." She admits, wings quivering once, the warmth exhaling itself across the floorboards, almost like a sigh. She looks down at Cocoa and she reaches down to give the pooch a hearty scritch behind the ears. "Poor girl.. she's worried about you not feeling well. Dogs really feel things, you know? They can smell illness."

Fee's eyes flit sideward to note the boy's perfect hair, catching the sunlight that she brings forth. Some 'flecks' of the energy settle harmlessly atop Besa's hair, even; alighting there like itty bitty winking lightningbugs. Fee can't help but grin a bit at this. "By Gods, I just made your awesome hair even better."

Enjoying the closeness, since Fee is a huggy sort, the girl sighs gently. "I went on the salvage mission last night. I was utterly useless when it all went on it's ear, Besa. I feel like an absolute heel."

Besa admits, "I am not used to being sick…was that not the right thing to say?" He was usually very healthy, except for the whole sacrificing thing. His head tilts, this close Fee may notice his cheeks are slightly pink. His attention then goes to his lap dog, "She is a good dog." He blinks though, looking up at her confused, "What? My hair?" He listens though as she speaks, "Have you trained to fight? That is not something that comes naturally to most. You should not feel bad if it is not for you."

The girl chalks the pinkened cheeks up to the poor boy not feeling well. Luckily she doesn't sit there for long grawping onto him, lest Cocoa get jealous. She will continue sitting beside the two of them though, ponderously and still a bit sadly. "Oh, it was absolutely fine.. I just don't want you to worry too much about me when you're not feeling too good. Can I go down to get you anything from the kitchen? Orange juice and chicken soup and a nice fluffy pair of socks are the best medicine, you know." There's some of the typical Fee, poking out. She smiles a bit, eyes a warm amber color, before her expression softens a bit with brief confusion and a touch of embarrassment.

The girl leans forward some, resting her elbows atop her knees, feet splayed out in front of her. "I hate fighting. I'm awful at it… and that's okay. But what if I have to defend someone..? Or a group of people? I couldn't live with myself if I had to do such a thing alone and if I failed. I did so badly.. I didn't want to hinder the group of us yesterday, since it was us against about.. ten.. scavengers." She explains, looking pained.

Besa smiles softly, "No, but thank you. I am not very hungry." Fluffy socks? Modern day society is so strange, sometimes. He does shiver again, Cocoa snuggling into him more. The girl is openly studied. He's quiet, letting her talk and get it out.

The girl does not ramble long, "I.." She pauses, looks a bit sheepish. Feeling the shiver, Fee arches one wing and curls it around Besa some, not wrapping him in it but just… forming that loose, warm cover. Gentle heat radiates from between and beneath feathers, bathing the Egyptian boy in heat. His shivering concerns her. To study Fionnuala is to see her looking simultaneously worried and ponderous, perhaps a touch crestfallen. ".. I wish I could do more to look after people.. after the mess of it all. To heal them. I'm not meant to harm people, I'm truly not. If it weren't for the others there.. Dax, Rain and this new girl, I think she was called Kanani… it would have been bad. They had to call in the Unit."

Besa visibly relaxes some with the warmth. He nods though, "Going against your nature is hard. I truly understand this." Remember he was in hell killing demons, and he's a healer at heart too. "Learning some, to defend isn't terrible. But yes….do you know first aid?" One hand leaves the warmth of Cocoa's fur to reach for her fingers, "I am glad you are ok." Although now he's not so sub tally eyeing her over, making sure she's not injured.

"I'm sure you do." Fee remarks, indeed remembering the Many Besas and their different roles, in the hellscape. In fact.. that thought is at the forefront of her mind. "I remember a lot… lot about what happened when we went to rescue you. There were.. versions of you, right? Versions who had to hunt and fight and they seemed hardened… but deep down at the heart of it all I'm sure they didn't want to be doing that, either. I can't ever imagine you having to hurt someone.. but even if and when you have to, it's not who you are." Fee explains, pausing as the boy takes up her fingers to look them over. It's not in her nature to shy away from people touching her.. there's just something about Besa that makes this examination of her hand and person completely innocent and borne of care.

"I.. I think that would be a good place to start. Maybe I can ask around in town or at one of the clinics about a level one first aid course. I always figured you.. that you need to learn the basics before you tamper with the magical side of things… I'll be okay, but I'm worried about you too. If you don't get sick often, when you do it must be bad. Make sure to get it looked at, Besa, if you feel worse.." Fee lectures.

Besa frowns briefly, his gaze goin to the dog in his lap, "We did not mind hunting…" Silver lining, maybe? Her words though, they seems to wash over him like her warm light and he relaxes more, "I did what I had to, to protect everyone." Soon enough his eyes go back to her fingers. "It is not a terrible thing to know." that's not really an answer to if Besa knows it or not. "I believe Rain may be able to help you." His finger are warm, he may be running a slight fever. The lecture just makes him smile, "I will be well, Fionnuala, thank you for caring. I am just…having a bad week." That's putting it mildly.

"That's what it boils down to.. for the greater good. Protecting people. Which is why I was so bothered because I felt I couldn't even do that.. so I'm trying to think of ways to do it that.. suit me. That don't push me away from my nature… but it's hard." Fee says gently, fingers moving to give Besa's hand a light friendly squeeze as he checks her over. IT is then that the girl feels the touch of warmth in his skin and that, paired with being chilled despite, smacks of fever. Fee notes this mentally, maybe she'll just.. Besa is being stubborn, but he does not look or feel okay! She'll just have to be vigilant.

"Rain has already helped a lot.. she protected me, you know. Took a hit to ward one of the big baddies away.." Fee looks down at her hand for a moment. "I'd like to return the favor someday, if she's ever in trouble. You too. But I guess it's a big order for me to ask you guys to just avoid trouble." Said with a note of jest to her tone.. but it fades quick.

"Bad week? Wanna talk more about it? I'm here to listen too, you know."

Besa stay quiet, unfortunately he never found that balance. The teen is definitely stubborn, ask anyone! A slow blink, "Is…is she okay?" Besa was so wrapped up in his own internal stuff that he didn't ask. "Was anyone hurt?" Bad week? He sighs, watching the fingers in his, "I found out that when I was rescued could have triggered something to cause the attack on the school…and I am worried for the other Besas…and I am sick….and I do not have any money…and people have died because of me." Cocoa whines, burring into Besa's stomach.

"She's fine. She dealt a good bit of damage before the reinforcements had to come in. She took a baton to the forearm.. bruised pretty badly. But she's pretty tough, huh?" Fee tries to reassure Besa of Rain's condition. "Nobody was hurt badly, I promise. The Unit came in just in time, it's just that we were very outnumbered. But…" She leans in, gives Besa a tiny nudge with a wingtip. "I brought back some of the clay tools from the art room, and even a small chunk of the clay that wasn't damaged or watered down. The good stuff." She whispers conspiratorially. "Not a lot though, I could only take what I could carry at the time, and that was—-"

Fee silences as Besa unloads his turmoil, and every instance of his pain and frustration causes the girl's heart to positively crumble. "Hey.." She reaches out to give the boy that one-armed cuddle again, having to pull her hand away to do just that. He feels so small and tired. "I'm not going to tell you not to worry because that's just rude. That is a full plate… just know that we'd do it all again to bring you back if we had to. You'll do right by the other Besas by adjusting and getting used to life again. Where are all of the other Besas? Were they sent back to that dimension?" She asks softly.

Besa hesitates, but then nods. He'll seek out Rain later to check on her. He doesn't seem as excited as she is about the clay stuffs. his hand goes immediately to Cocoa's fur. "I would not wish you to! If-if it is the reason everyone has died…" No, he doesn't want that at all. "I..I don't know. I hope they were all sent home." It's part of why he's so worried. Even with her hugging him, he curls up into his pooch.

"I hope they're home too. Happy and safe…" Fionnuala pauses, considers something. She hasn't thought about it.. didn't really talk to anyone about it, not even the counsellor who had been sent in directly after to make sure nobody was going crackers. Fee remains alongside Besa, not crowding him however. Like before she hugs only as long as necessary and appropriate, and elects to just be with him, beside him. Between Cocoa and herself, hopefully that will be enough. For now.

"Especially that one.. that littlest one. There was a little boy who eventually didn't leave my side.. throughout the whole journey. He was my little buddy, at the end of it all." Fee admits, remembering Scout. "I guess it sounds silly, but I still miss him. I had only known him for a little while but he grew on me." The girl smiles fondly. "I hope he's home, safe, and climbing all the trees."

<FS3> Besa rolls Past Lives: Success.

Besa tries to remember , they were all different ages, so many times. She says trees though, "Scout?" He just sounds tired, emotionally and from being sick. "I…I have been trying to reach out, but I have not had any luck." He shivers more.

"Scout." Fee echoes, nodding quickly, her ponytail bouncing behind her shoulders. "He had to have been about.. seven? Eight? In that range anyway. He was the cutest thing." Said frankly and without hesitation, but then the girl feels poor Besa's body shivering again. All of her own woes and reservations fall to the wayside and she becomes legitimately worried. "You're working too hard, Besa.. taking on too much. I think you need to try resting.. really resting.. and when you're ready to try reaching out again, it'll not be quite so tiring. You're shaking," The shifter tilts her head, wing curling in just that bit more to enshroud him protectively. "And you're warm. You have a fever, and that's dangerous if left unchecked." She says worriedly.

Fee considers something. "You know what will make me happy, Besa? What will help me to feel better? If you take your pretty pup here, go down to bed, and lay down.. you're running yourself dry."

Cute? He looked just like a mini Besa. Not that Besa seems all that large now. His face crumbles, and tears start to form, "But…what if they need me? What if they are hurt, or back in Hell?" What if, what if! Poor Cocoa, she whines, lifting her head to nuzzle into Besa's as he clings to her. And then in a pitiful voice, the teen answer her in an almost childish tone, "It is warm here. i do not want to move."

<FS3> Fionnuala rolls Singing: Good Success.

If he was tugging at her heartstrings earlier, this is just.. aw, Besa. Fionnuala can suggest but she will never push and tears do it for her each and everytime. Especially those of a friend's.. a sweet, sad friend. "They were all very strong, I remember that too. But I'm kind of a firm believer in karma, Besa. Good things happen to people who struggle hard, work hard… and heaven knows you all fought hard. They are okay, they have to be." Fee cannot know for sure but it's the best she can do, to try being positive.

"Tell you what, then, you don't have to move. I can stay right here for awhile to keep you company, okay? In fact, I am going to sing you one of my favorite songs ever, whenever I'm scared and upset and feeling bad. Would you like that?" She asks softly, so soft and kind that it hurts.

(Song: "Across the Universe" - Cover © Jim Sturgess, original © The Beatles)

Besa's chest aches, only some of it with his worry. Still holding onto Cocoa he shifts his head, laying it against her soft brown fur and nods, looking at Fee. He stays quiet, but between her voice and the warmth, he starts to finally doze.

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